Fivourite

Bahagia Itu Sederhana

2011-11-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

Jelas sekali bukan, judul di atas? Iya, bahagia itu sederhana.

Tanggal 5 kemarin, kita 2 tahun lho. Lama, ya? 24 bulan. 730 hari.

Awalnya, gw nggak yakin sama sekali ini bakal lama.

Tapi kamu terus ngeyakinin, kita bisa.

Inget banget dulu, aku sering jail-jail ngerjain kamu ini itu, dan lain-lain sampe kamu nangis-nangis dan sebagainya. Hahaha, that was cute, baby! Terkadang marah beneran, pengen udahin aja semuanya, tapi aku-nya sendiri nggak yakin bisa gak sama kamu. Cailah..

Banyak banget ya, yang udah kita laluin.

Mulai dari putus-sambung nggak jelas, yang sebenernya orang juga gak tau itu beneran putus apa nggak karena kita gak bisa jauh.

Ya backstreet yang alay banget.

Berantem-berantem gak jelas gara-gara aku kerjain aku bilang mau ke Lampung padahal cuma aku kerjain karena mau 6 bulan-an.

Ujan-ujanan karna nekat ngelawan ujan dan ujung-ujungnya berenti di Alfa, ngeliatin ujan. Mau beli sesuatu buat minta plastik dan terus

nekat ngelawan ujan tp gak ada yang punya duit, dan hape sama-sama lowbatt buat ngabarin orang rumah.
Aku suka bete gak jelas karna kamu gak seromantis cowok-cowok di timeline-ku, yang muja-muja pacarnya atau tweet sesuatu yang paling kecil dari hubungan mereka. Terus kamu bilang, "Kamu itu cuma punyaku, ngapain aku bagi-bagi ke orang lain?" atau "Kalau lebih indah aslinya, kenapa harus lewat dunia maya?"
Dan yang paling berharga dari semua itu, ketika kamu bela-belain pulang dari Bangka tanggal 26 buat dateng ke ulang tahunku. Beliin aku boneka Eeyore yang besar dimana aku suka banget sama Eeyore. Because it has puppy eyes like you do, baby.

Eh, itu awal kita dibolehin sama mama, kan? :)

Aku juga masih inget, waktu kamu mau ulang tahun, aku kelabakkan nyariin kamu hadiah karna aku gak tau harus ngasih apa. Aku cuma siap ngasih kue. Terus aku ada ide, berhubung kamu ulang tahun pas Java Jazz, aku beliin kamu tiket, terus kasih surprise buat kamu dirumahku. Aku cuma ngasih jaket.. and I am sorry for only giving you that. Cuma berharap itu bisa ngangetin kamu terus. Tsahh..

Lalu ada suatu tragedi yang sebenernya lebih banyak hikmah baiknya, walaupun di kamu nggak sih... hahaha. Iya, yang kaki kamu sobek gara-gara entah kenapa pas nganterin aku pulang, lalu aku merasa bersalah banget sampe marah-marah sama mama karena mama yang minta tolong kamu jemput aku di Pak Solihin terus nganterin aku pulang. Aku panik banget ngeliat kamu berdarah-darah gitu, ujan-ujan pula. Daerahnya sepi, gak bisa minta tolong sama siapa-siapa sampe akhirnya aku lari-lari ke bengkel minta tolong. Ngeliat kamu di bius sambil teriak-teriak itu nyiksa banget. Ngeliat kamu di jahit kakinya, dan sebagai-sebagainya itu bikin errgh...

Tapi dari situ, aku jadi lebih deket sama keluarga kamu, no? :)

Kemarin kita ngerayain dua tahun dengan super sederhana pula karena sama-sama gak punya duit. Pengen beliin kamu sepatu sebenernya, tapi gak tau gimana cara dapet ukuranmu yang super rare karena kakimu itu ukuran 47. Size 13. Sampe nge-stalk semua following-mu, nge-add Ballers ID, nyari-nyari kontak anak TKSB tapi gagal. Jadi nggak ngasih apa-apa deh.. :(

Sebenernya sebel dengan acara yang menurutku itu terlalu biasa buat acara dua tahun-an tapi kamu bilang, "Buatku kemaren malam spesial. Bukan cuma another night. Nanti kalo udah susah ketemu itu baru kerasa. Aku gak butuh spesial karena sama kamu itu ya spesial," jadinya aku gak jadi sebel deh. Iya, aku harusnya ngehargain waktu-waktu sama kamu lebih, ya. Kan kamu mau ke Akpol.

Definisi bahagia itu apa sih, Ndi?

Buat gw?

Bahagia itu ketika lihat rapor nilainya diatas 8 semua.

Bahagia itu ketika lihat Tom tidur pules dengan muka bayi-nya.

Bahagia itu ketika bisa tidur jam 9 tanpa kepikiran harus bangun jam 3 karena ada PR yang belum tuntas.

Bahagia itu kalau lagi having a quality time with the whole family.

Bahagia itu kalau sama kamu, baby.

Bahagiaku sama kamu itu terlalu sederhana.

Ngobrol di depan kelas. Mecahin jerawatmu. Ngeliat kamu tidur. Dicium jidatnya. Dipeluk. Ngomongin hal-hal gak penting. Jalan kaki bareng. Ngeliat kamu nyanyi dengan suara sok dibagus-bagusin. Berkhayal tentang masa depan. Kisah cinta kita yang penuh romansa. And more to make.

Ya intinya, aku bahagia deh sama kamu.

Harapanku gak banyak. Semoga terus saling mengerti, saling melengkapi dan saling menyayangi. Dan semoga, bisa terus sama kamu. Diawali dari tanggal 5 November 2009 yang kemudian di akhiri kalau nanti hariku juga berakhir. Amin.

Selamat dua tahun, Bodia Teja Lelana.

What's up.

2011-09-12T03:42:00.001-07:00

Hi, hi, sudah lama tidak mem-post beberapa postingan disini dikarenakan jadwal kelas 12 yang padatnya nggak karuan.. walaupun sbnrnya sempet (tapi males) buat nge-post, ttp aja rasanya menulis dan menuangkan pikiran di blog tanpa ada yg mengganggu hati tuh.. susah banget. *caelah*

Sejujur-jujurnya jujur, gw sedang mengalami fase galauness. Tapi tapi tapi.. kalau gw cerita gw sama aja dengan menceritakan ke jelekkan lo dong, berarti gw sama kayak lo dong. Gak ah, gw kan sayang sama lo. Anggap saja perbuatan lo selalu baik.

Galau yg lebih parah dari ini adalah galau akademis, sob.

Yaa.. gw mungkin gak sepinter temen-temen gw, tp gw boleh dong sok-sok galau mau kuliah dimana, secara ini menyangkut masa depan gw, menyangkut hidup gw dimasa depan. *dibolak-balikajasebenernya*

Malam-malam dimana gw tidak bisa tidur, gw menghabiskan waktu dengan curhat sama Papa, Om Inco, dan sahabat-sahabat gw tentang apa yang harus gw pilih buat masa depan gw dalam jangka waktu yang lumayan singkat. Beberapa orang di sekitar gw mendukung gw buat jadi dokter gigi. Gw pengen nangis tiap dibilang kayak gitu, bukan berarti gw gak mau, tp gw gak sanggup. Gw suka sedih denger Mama nyuruh gw jadi dokter gigi sedangkan gw gak sanggup. Mikir aja, kalau nggak sekarang, kapan lg gw nyenengin Mama?

Gw gak bisa tidur juga kadang-kadang menghayal tentang masa depan gw, suami gw, gw dimasa depan, punya anak berapa dan sebagai-sebagainya. Yang jelas, gw gak mau kerja. Hahahaha, tp tetep aja kan untuk membangun hubungan sama orang-orang yang kelas atas harus bangun citra diri kalau diri sendiri pintar. Jujur ajasih, sampe sekarang gw masih ngebayangin diri gw sendiri kerja di Bank / sebuah perusahaan securities, lalu pacaran sama salah satu broker / direksi. Bisa tinggal di apartemen, mobil sendiri, buy myself something good, nikah dgn pernikahan spektakuler, trus berhenti kerja, punya anak dan ngemong anak. Simple, but I want it to be perfect.

Ya, seenggaknya semua cita-cita butuh rencana dan pencapaian. Dimana gw masih bingung dengan jalan gw untuk menuju kesana. Apakah gw harus milih UI dimana gw deket sama orang tua gw tapi gw gak bisa hidup mandiri kedepan-depannya karena selalu numpang hidup sama orang tua. Atau gw harus milih UGM dimana gw jauh dari orang tua tapi kedepannya gw bisa mandiri ngurus diri sendiri. Jujur aja, gw gak bisa jauh dari mama-papa. Jujur, kutak sanggup.. belum lagi gw harus menjauhkan diri dari sahabat-sahabat kesayangan gw yg super super gw sayang selama-lamanya. Kalau gw di UGM, giliran mereka reuni atau gimana, pasti gw ngabsen terus. *nulisinilama-lamangeracuninpikiranbuatjadianakUI*

Tp setelah gw browsing-browsing.. UGM sama UI passing grade-nya tinggi-tinggi yah :(((

BUKAN ITU DENG. Tapi masalahnya, jurusan apa?!! Hukum kah, Ilmu Ekonomi kah, atau apakah?? Gw selama ini berusaha meyakinkan diri untuk milih Ilmu Ekonomi karna menurut pandangan gw org dengan pengetahuan ekonomi makro bakal dibutuhkan sangat dimasa depan, lalu peminatnya juga kurang *bukantakutbersaingsuer*, dan macam-macam lainnya. Tapi pas ditinjau ulang...... RATENYA TINGGI JUGA huhuhu.. jadi intinya kenapa rate semua sekolah tinggi-tinggi untuk otakku yang gak tinggi. Gw sempat berpikiran juga mau jadi penasihat keuangan keluarga / pribadi, tp setelah dipikir-pikir kalau profesi macam gitu dan mau sukses, bangun citranya susah juga. Jadi dokter apa nih.. hmm.. *bantingstir*

Intinya, gw galau akan masa depan gw yang masih burem ini. Sekian..

Oiya, curhat dikit boleh, kan?

You know what, someday I’ll get tired of asking for your attention.Someday I’ll get tired of making the first move just so we could talk. Someday I will get tired of loving and waiting for you. Someday I will get tired of sending you a text message having no reply coming from you. I’ll get tired of thinking how can I make you happy when you don’t even make an effort to do the same for me. I’ll get tired of you saying “I’m busy, I have no time.”. You know, sometimes I wanna tell you that “You’re not the only person experiencing a busy life. I am also busy, but I make time for you because I love you. I have sleepless nights thinking about you.”. No, you just don’t get it do you?

I get it. I have no value to you. I’m just one of those people whom you hang with. I’m just one of those people whom you run to whenever you like to talk and you trash out whenever you’re done. I’m just a nobody.

Time will come that I will no longer have interest in you. I hope you know why it turned out like that. It’s not easy to love a person who doesn’t know how to appreciate.

So baby, go mock me. I'm okay, cause you know, I'm fine. And I'm sorry for not saying sorry, because you never say sorry when you made mistakes either. I'm being selfish once, is it okay for you? Well, I'm tired anyway. Of having fights like this, but it's up to you, but I guess if you want to mock me more than that, you'd better break me up. Cause you know I've got a heart that's broken everytime I saw that bad words. It's not that I'm not sad, but pretty much fighting for myself, setelah sekian lama lebih mentingin perasaan orang daripada diri sendiri. Toh selama ini ketika lo marah lo tidak pernah mengontrol diri lo sendiri buat gw, lalu apakah gw harus terus-terusan mengontrol diri gw sendiri.

No lie, I miss you. Have fun, and sweet dreams tonight. You know, I know you'll be just fine without me. Or even better off without me. Toh, you and your family never appreciate me. Anggap saja gw gak ada. Selama ini.

By then I know, you never deserve my words. Or even my love. And yes, you never appreciate me in a good way I do for you. So, see you. And.. thanks for everything.

Where have you been?

2011-06-20T04:42:00.000-07:00

Boys say sorry when girls had enough for the pains they give and try to walk away.

Boys stay when girls move on.

Boys try their best when girls wiped their tears.

Boys change their bad behaviour when girls have let him go.

Boys get so weak when girls get so strong.

Boys stop ignore girls when girls ignore them.

Boys cry over girls when girls back on their knees.

Boys remember when girls try to forget.

Boys misses girls when girls try their best to fall in love with another men.

Boys realize they have the best when girls met men who will treat them right.

I asked you, where have you been?

Where have you been when she says sorry because she values her relationship more than her ego.

Where have you been when she tried her best fighting the voices inside of her head to stay.

Where have you been when she's crying and you're the one she wishes to wipe her tears.

Where have you been when she changed a lot for you.

Where have you been when you are the one who gives her strength yet you're the one that makes her on her worst moment.

Where have you been when she was panic because you ignore them, and asked all of your friends where you were just because she cared too much then you thought she was annoying.

Where have you been when she kneels and pray you would be just there for her.

Where have you been when you are the only thing that's in her mind.

Where have you been when she misses you but she couldn't talk to you because you said you were busy.

Where have you been when she's still thinking that you're the best for her even thought you are the only person who ruined her whole heart.

After all, you were the person she never wanted to lose.

But you didn't care she was there.

You didn't care she cried.

You said "It's all up to you." when she was hoping you would say "Please stay."

You stayed awesome and legendary when she wasn't okay.

You were busy when she was waiting a news from you.

You betrayed her when she trusted you.

You put your friends and hobbies first when she waited you to come.

And all of the things she wish you would do but you didn't do..

Cause basically girls would do everything she could do for you.

She would kiss and hug you all night long just because she wanted to.

She would stay sweet even though you won't care the little things she pays attention to.

After all, she would love you all the time even though you broke her heart. :)

And boys, have you told your girlfriend you love her? How much do you love her, just let her know.

Have you given a smiley through messages when you can't do it in person?

Those things would make their day.

But psst.. if she acts like what you do to her. She's just avoiding herself of getting hurt deeper and deeper.

I love you. But I'm afraid of getting hurt like days before.

Where you didn't care at all. :)

Her feelings

2011-06-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

She is waiting for you.

She gives her full time.

She's busy, but still she replied your text.

She asks you to stay.

She gives all of her attention.

She smiles over the pain you give.

She hugs you with her feelings.

She stares at you with her feelings.

She watches you when you sleep.

She kisses you when you don't wake up.

She's looking at you during your tournament.

She's praying for you.

She thinks of you even she's with her friends.

She's proud of you.

She tells the good stories about you.

She laughs at your not funny jokes.

She says thanks to everything you did for her.

She says sorry whenever she makes a mistake.

She chooses to spend a day with you instead of spending a day with her bestfriends.

She always holds her phone cause she's waiting a text/a call from him.

She comes to your house to have a quality time with you.

She's dreaming about her future's gonna be with you.

She's still waiting on your free time when her bestfriends tell her to leave him.

She's still waiting..

What did she get?

He's not waiting for her.

He gives her no time for her.

He's busy and doesn't want to reply her text.

He won't ask her to stay.

He's still asking what did happen to her when she already gave the reasons.

He doesn't get hurt.

He hugs her just to make his girl happy.

He stares at her and laughs at the other seconds.

He watches tv/handphone when she sleeps.

He tickles to wake her up.

He doesn't see her during his tournament, even though she says good luck everytime your head turns into her.

He prays for himself.

He won't care about his girl everytime he's with his bestfriends.

He says the harsh words when she gets the bad score.

He tweets the bad things about her.

He looks at phone's screen everytime she laughs.

He doesn't say thanks.

He insists he's not making a mistake when he truly does instead of saying sorry and hurting her feelings, making her cry. But still, you stay awesome and legendary..

He asks his friends to hang out instead of his girl.

He holds the phone whenever he's with her and leaves the phone whenever she's not around.

He doesn't pay attention, he cares about his friends.

He's dreaming about what his shoes are gonna be.

He's leaving her whenever his friends tell him he should be.

He's leaving..

She doesn't deserve you, you know? But she still thinks about the greatest things when she tries harder, and holds on more. Even though she gets nothing but hurt, she just tries hader and harder.. thinks that she can through this and everything is going to be okay and normal. Man, everything's not going to be okay when she tries alone, and holds on alone. What she has been doing until she holds on this long just because she's used to the pain you give.

Believe it or not, when she leaves because she's tired of pretending she's okay or even tired of saying it's going to be okay and everything's working out or even she finally meets a man who's gonna put her first instead of all and you read this, your tears would be unstoppable, and you pass this blog to your friends, and your friends are just like "Congratulation, man you just lost the best girl you would never have again" and you want to kick 'em because you're putting their first instead of her.

Whenever men read this, I just hope you would say sorry to your girl and try to hold on together. Don't let her to be alone during her worst moments. Saying sorry for what you've done and hugging her or even spending a day with her would be recover at least a tiny of them.

Just don't be the man who lost her if you have one of this girl type. Just don't be.

:) ..Happy Sunday.. :)

2011-05-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

Tell me,

What you thinking about when you got me waiting patiently?

And usually, I don't have to wait for nobody,

But there's something about that you really got me feeling weak,

And I'm trying find the words to speak,

P. Diddy ft Christina Aguilera - Tell Me

How are you, Dear? Are you fine? You should be.

Cause if there's someone that makes you not fine, I should kick the someone's ass, Baby. :)

I miss you, so much.

But you said you need time to talk to me, didn't you?

I gave you, go take your time as long as you need it.

Anyway, do you know that I can't handle myself not to talk to you for a while?

I might be stop crying,

I might be sounded like I don't care,

I might be seen I'm fine,

I might be seen I can handle the pain,

But do you know everynight I asked all of my bestfriends how to handle this, how could I stop crying?

Do you even care that I cried, do you?

Do you even miss me?

If you don't, then never talk to me that I don't even care about you.

If you want me to beg, I let you read this.

I beg you for hundred times not to go away,

not even to have a step away,

karena aku gak biasa jauh dari kamu oi, aku kangen.

Aku sayang kamu.

And this would be the last time I texted you this,

that only me who would cry all night long just because think about you,

only me who always remember you everytime

I watched romance movies,

that only me who always mentioned your name everytime people asked who's the best man after my dad.

I might not be perfect, I know. I did so many mistakes in the past,

but I tried to change, you know it, don't you?

Well, I won't let myself shed a tear again now,

but you just have to know that I love you so much that I could say no to people who told me to break up with you,

that I could let myself cry for days,

and I bet you wouldn't meet any kind

of me later on.

I just hope that if you read this you would talk to me soon, and have the mess cleared.

Soo, text me soon kay? I miss you.. :)

2011-05-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

This post would sound that cheesy, but whatever, I just need to feel better.

I know that people would change the way they were, but I just hate the changes when I stay the same. You know how it feels, I bet.

Nggak, gue tidak minta lo kembali seperti dulu.. gue tau orang berubah. Dan gue mengerti. Mengerti dengan hati tidak menerima, mengerti dengan hati berat. Tapi, gue mengerti. Bukan mengerti tepatnya, tapi mencoba mengerti. Hmm, kalo mencoba lalu gagal?

Gue hanya benci dengan reaksi yang diberikan ketika dihadapkan suatu masalah, sekarang. "Maumu apa?" Itu kayak mengiris. Kayak.. apa ya susah jelasinnya. Intinya, gitu. Kadang pengen nangis, tapi buat apa gue nangis kalo orang yang gue pikirkan dengan sepenuh hati jiwa raga (duileh) tidak memikirkan gue sama sekali dan ketika gue mengeluarkan unek-unek, minta dimengerti, cuma diberi dua kata yang mengirisnya kayak hati diiris terus dikasih jeruk nipis.

I hurt you a lot maybe, dan mungkin sekarang giliran gue disakitin kali ya.

Tapi gue nggak sekuat itu, bro.

Nggak sama sekali..

Gue masih di tahapan dimana gue mencoba mengerti lebih, lebih dan lebih.

Mencoba menjadi lo di masa-masa lalu.

Tapi kalo gagal, maaf.

Sekali lagi, gue nggak minta lo berubah jadi lo yang dulu, yg cheesy dan sebagainya.

Gue hanya minta, tolong kasih gue penjelasan atas masalah, bukan "Maumu apa" answer. Nggak minta sih, nanti dibilang nuntut.

Yaa, intinya minta. Tapi kalo dibilang nuntut, yaudah lupakan. Anggap aja gue tidak pernah merasakan ini, lalu anggap ini tidak ada.

Sebenernya gue males sayang banget sama orang, takut kejadian nangis berhari-hari karena ditinggal orang kesayangan terulang, tapi gue bilang iya untuk jadi pendamping lo berarti gue percaya lo tidak akan menyakiti gue kayak mereka kan? Iya kan?

I tried my best, at least. Gue udah bilang ini ratusan kali, bahkan lebih. Bahkan sampe nangis didepan lo, well itu momen termemalukan gue.. tp men, rrrk entah apakah gak ada kata-kata lebih menjijikan dari ini tp gue sayang banget sama lo, ngerti kan?

Gue rada menikmati sih, menjadi wanita sesungguhnya yang bentar-bentar galau gitu apa karena gue sedang PMS jd overthinks, tp gue agak menikmati. Menikmati nangis tiap malem, wakaka alay bgt tp gue menikmati.

Sedikit agak lega dengan menulis ini semua, entah ini akan publish atau save dan jadi draft. Pengen bilang langsung sih sebenernya, tp dari kemaren jawabannya hanya itu.

Sampai detik ini gue masih berusaha mengerti, masih berusaha menerima hahahah, kayak gue diapain aja ya, tapi ya gitu. Tapi sampai gue sudah melewati titik turning point dimana gue harus berhenti mengerti lo, gue hanya bisa bilang maaf. I tried myself to stay the same, at least.

Dan kalau suatu saat nanti gue harus pergi dari kehidupan lo, inget..

gue sayang sama lo,

gue selalu bangga sama lo,

gue selalu ada buat lo,

gue selalu mendukung lo,

gue selalu menerima lo apa adanya,

dan suatu saat nanti mungkin lo sadar,

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I'm one of a kind who love you that way, called unconditionally that I bet you wouldn't ever meet again :)

Stay Heartless, Is Way Better

2011-05-15T00:28:00.000-07:00

Currently do nothing now, so I decided to check this blog out. So many things to say, actually. So many..

Well, my life was ruined a little bit by thinking too much bad thoughts. Been crying for a whole three days. Umm, not whole but everynight I tried myself to sleep. Looked so fine though on the internet, may call it Twitter but I am not. Still laughed & did some jokes, but that were just my effort to forget what I've been through and again, just to be seen I am so fucking fine.

My friends through this killing pain was just Tumblr (for God's sake, I'm so thankful for having Tumblr account). Reblogged all the trash-posts, and I am just feeling sorry for spamming your dashboard, I didn't mean to. And after all of those fucking spamming thing, I just felt relieved..

Had talked about things that matters to me, but I just got the 2 up to 8 words answers or barely even speaking. Tried fucking hard to get myself right, but I couldnt. At the end. Kept talking about the way I feel but you keep on giving the 2 up to 8 words answers. And I ended up like crying baby. It's hurting that much.

Todavía no estoy bien, hasta ahora. Todavía me sigo preguntando. y si usted piensaque ahora estoy feliz, no soy..

Mungkin lo berfikiran lo tidak begitu, tapi di pikiran gue lo seperti. Mungkin gue yang berlebihan, tapi gue hanya butuh lo peka. Bilang kalau semuanya oke-oke aja dalam dua-delapan kata itu bikin semuanya tampak tidak oke seperti yang lo bilang. Gue bukan nya tidak menerima kondisi lo yang katanya kayak gitu, tapi gue hanya butuh penjelasan yang melegakan gue. Gimana gue bisa percaya omongan lo kalo lo hanya begitu dengan dunia, tp tidak sama gue. Dari sisi apa gue harus percaya?

So this is my last time crying myself, I want to stay heartlessssssssssss.. yap, semoga masa gue jadi cewek cengeng cukup sampai disini aja. Semoga..

“How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them for making you feel like your pain doesn’t have any substance after all?"

Tidak Flat

2011-02-27T01:46:00.000-08:00

Hi, long time no post. Bingung sih mau nge-post apa belakangan ini, nggak ada yang lagi dipikirin banget akhir-akhir ini dan nggak ada yang ingin di share juga belakangan ini sampai pada akhirnya gue duduk didepan laptop dan buka-buka tumblr serta blog-blog sahabat, jadi ada ide untuk menge-post sesuatu.

Well, gue beberapa bulan kebelakang sering -tiap hari- pulang naik motor sama Bodia. Dan biasanya kalo lagi hening nggak ada obrolan, gue suka ngeliatin jalan & mikir random. Entah flashback, atau mungkin mikirin masa depan. Dan apa yang harus gue lakukan dalam jangka dekat-panjang, semua detik-detik yang suka di itungin di lampu merah, bisa gue pikirkan dengan random.

Dan belakangan ini (lagi-lagi penggunaan kata belakangan dengan berlebihan, well I'm so sorry), gue sering memikirkan hidup gue dibelakang-belakang sana. Beberapa bulan yang jam yang lalu, hari yang lalu, minggu yang lalu, bulan yang lalu dan tahun-tahun lalu. Dan yang sering teringat akhir-akhir ini ya, masa-masa SMP gue.

Siapa sih anak SMA yang nggak kangen masa SMP-nya dimana lo bisa pulang sekolah langsung main tanpa kepikiran tugas yang menanti. Dimana lo bisa nggak belajar buat ulangan besok atau mungkin beberapa jam mendatang tapi nilai lo bagus. Dimana lo bisa tidur cepet tanpa nangis-nangis besok ada dua ulangan atau lebih.
Gue nggak tau sih, gue doang yang merasa atau semua anak SMA merasa kayak gue. Gue merasa teman-teman SMP dan SMA itu beda banget. Di SMP semua yang konyol bisa diketawain sepuas-puasnya, bisa dinikmatin, dan sebagainya. Tapi pas SMA? Yang konyol terkadang dibilang too much padahal niatnya pure joke asli. Gue jadi agak lebih memilih dalam bertemen dan gue masih terlalu enjoy dengan teman-teman SMP gue. Tp untungnya gue menemukan sahabat sejati sampai mati gue di tahun kedua sekolah ini. Ditambah kelas kesayangan gue yang solidnya ok banget, dan asiknya ok bgt walaupun diawal-awal gue merasa gue sangat berada ditempat yang salah dan gue sering bgt merasa gue org paling bego.

Well, sebenernya gue cuma mau bilang gue kangen masa SMP & kangen kebersamaan hangat bersama CRAFLIX. Duile bahasa gue. But don't get it wrong, gue sangat menikmati rutinitas gue sebagai pelajar SMA yang KATANYA indah. Ya, itu bakal indah pada waktunya I guess. Gue sudah mencoba menikmati tugas-tugas gue, les-les gue yang padat, dan semuanya yang serba bikin stress. Dan yap, gue sudah menikmatinya sekarang.

& Buat lo semua yang nggak munafik didepan gue, sahabat-sahabat gue, dan sigma juga elo yang disana, terimakasih banyak sekali! Dan buat Radityo, Kamal, Ade, NABILA, Sofi, Dinda dan yang lain-lain.. gue rindu kalian sangat. :-)

Dan oh ya, hidup gue ternyata nggak flat-flat amat.

Resolution 1; Check.

2011-01-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

Kalo lo bilang gua berubah dalam semua hal.. ya, gua berubah. This is a new year man, everybody's changing, and I have to do the same to avoid breaking hearts, and so on.

I did some chats with Arya, ketika gua galau dan being another girl who overthinks, and everything you see on a fragile one. I asked few questions, then he answered like, "Kenapa lo setiap ada perubahan kecil lo mengeluh sih? Emang gini nih cewek yang gue gak suka, ada yang berubah sedikit, negat. Cewek emang egois, banyak minta, banyak mau, bikin susah." Dan seriously, itu nancep sampe punggung belakang.

Dan gua berusaha normal kembali, trying to get back the old atmosphere we have. Berusaha tidak peduli dengan bad thoughts which are clouding up my mind. Berusaha menjadi cewek yang tidak egois, banyak minta, banyak mau dan bikin susah. Bahkan skrg dimana keadaan gua yang harusnya galau sampai keujung kaki, gua tidak merasakan apapun. Dan kalaupun gua galau, gua ada pelarian; piano / belajar.

Jadi, ketika gua merasa sepatu, online dan basketball thingy sepertinya lebih penting dari gua, gua relax. Gua pun juga punya kehidupan yang lebih penting daripada harus mikirin hal-hal kayak gituan. Gua hanya ingin jadi cewek yang berusaha menerima orang apa adanya. Tanpa banyak nuntut, banyak mau dan bikin orang susah kanan kiri. Toh, buat apa jadiin orang priority dimana gua adalah option-nya, toh? Jangan cuma karena things are changing, & everyone is leaving make your life stops. Man, lo salah besar.

Dan buat lo cewek-cewek galau di luar sana, coba lo tarik nafas lo dalam-dalam dan berusaha berifikiran sejernih mungkin apakah lo perlu merasa galau dimana orang yang selalu lo pikirin tiap malam dan buat lo galau memikirikan lo atau tidak. They don't, girls. Not even think about your thumbs.

Gua sudah buat perubahan besar dalam waktu sehari di tahun 2011, bagaimana dengan lo semua? Oya, dan terimakasih banyak sekali untuk Harya Bimantoro yang menyadarkan gua betapa tidak gunanya jadi cewek galau. You're the best for giving a girl advices man. All hail!

Garuda Di Dadaku

2010-12-27T01:34:00.000-08:00

Actually, I wasn't watching the match. I was celebrating my b'day party at D'Hook cafe & bakery, Pondok Indah. But when I opened the timeline, all Indonesians were cursing Malaysians. UNTIL NOW. If I wasn't mistaken, the trending topic for those cursing things was #MalaysiaCheatLaser.

Here's the thing, Indonesians.
Stop tweeting those unimportant, for some reasons. YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP.

It's okay for you to make people in the entire world to know that Malaysia DID cheat, STOLE Indonesian's culture or whatever, but you tweet in harsh ways. Be more polite, can you? Indonesian's well known for the good attitudes.
If you're dissapointed for those players. DO NOT EVER BREAK THE FACILITIES. Those morons who broke GBK are totally insane, stupid, idiot, whatever you call it as long as it connected to those names above. You lose, then you have to be supportive. Lo kalah, ngerusak. Terus apa? You got nothing, dudes. YOU'RE THE LOOOOOOSER.
Tweet what you proud of Indonesia is WAYYYY BETTER. Go tweet those, or you lose.

No offense at all, hanya kesal melihat timeline yang tidak memiliki sopan santun dalam menge-tweet. Lihat sisi baiknya juga. Mungkin Indonesia memang sudah besar kepala karena selama AFF 2010 berlangsung Indonesia belum pernah kalah jadi menyepelekan lawannya. Mungkin toh? Itu kan ciri orang Indonesia, baru sekali berhasil, langsung koar-koar yang berlebihan. Dasar imbisil!

Yah, setidaknya, be wise to use your Twitter account. Toh, yang curang akan kalah dan walaupun menang, karma DOES exist.

Walaupun kalah, itu sama sekali tidak mengurangi kebanggaan Saya terhadap Timnas. BERJUANG! INDONESIA NEEDS TO BEAT MALAYSIA. But not in a harsh way like they did. SHOW WORLD, WE CAN DO IT. WE CAN BEAT MALAYSIA.

Go yell this out loud,
GARUDA, DIDADAKU.
GARUDA, KEBANGGAANKU.
KUYAKIN HARI INI PASTI MENANG. :-)

Okt. 2nd; Dad's Birthday

2010-10-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

Today's Dad's birthday. He's turning 44 y.o. Bwew! He's old he's old! I woke up this morning pretty fast then I went downstairs and greeted him happy birthday. He hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. :-) ;-)!

I tweeted about my dad's birthday today and thank you fellas for the birthday wishes. I'd like to mention you one by one but the birthday party is going to be celebrated in the next 2 hours so it's like I should get ready.

And thank you dad for being my whole life, my everything. You'll always be my fulltime hero, lover, bestfriend, listener, supporter, and fan :-P

And you, who always loves to adore your boyfriend more than your dad, please open your eyes. He might not know everything about you, but he's trying to. You're meant a whole life to him, but he's number two to you. Can you please let him be your number one?

Hihi, anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

Baby Tom

2010-09-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

Introducing, my Baby Tom! :-)

2010-09-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

I never get jealous when you tweet something about your boyfriend, stupid bad ass.
I know he was my boyfriend but it was a long time ago, so I don't have any feelings anymore. Mmm wait, I have. But not as much as you do now.
I never want to be texted by your boyfriend, stupid bad ass. He texted me first.
And you know, you are my friend. And I would never steal him. No matter how much I love him (just in case). So, shut the fuck up if you don't know anything about me.

Oh ya, you should've known what he could be like. Watch your ass out.
Mine is hotter, so I won't steal yours. And.. I just regretted I was with him.
And once more, you look disgusting when you tweet too much about him. Can you just use the dm feature? It freaks me out. Lebay. Blee!

2010-08-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

Click clock, jangan lah ragu

Click clock, kerjarlah ilmu

Ingat janji masa depanmu

Terbentang di hadapmu

Karena masa kecil mu tak akan kembali

Sherina - Click Clock

When I was young, I heard this kind of music and..

I promised myself that I would not to waste my time doing something useless.

But in fact, I did. Wrong, I do.

& Thank you Sherina for reminding me,

& thank you Dad for giving me this song so I could realize the things way earlier,

& thank you there, for always cheering me up whenever I fail.

So here I am, trying to tell you.

You can't rewind the times,

use it properly, & time will tell you why you have to use it well.

Enjoy your day.. :-)

2010-08-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

The littlest thing that take me there,

I know it sounds lame but it's true,

I know it's not right, but it seems unfair,

That the things are reminding me of you.

Lily Allen - Littlest Thing

If you ask me to let those memories go away, I will.

But, it hurts.

Memories should be staying, whatever the reasons are.

I hate you. Really.

Random

2010-07-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Sebenarnya, wanita selalu disini, disamping pria-nya,

sampai suatu saat dikondisikan keadaan dimana dia tidak sanggup lagi untuk berdiri disampingnya,

Sebenarnya, bukannya kami tak sanggup,

bukan itu, Sayang perkaranya..,

Kami bisa menahan rasa sakit ketika kau sakiti,

ratusan kali, atau bahkan ribuan kali,

Kami bahkan bisa menahan ribuan kali perasaan cemburu yang membara disini, Sayang,

di hati kami yang rapuh,

Ketika kami terluka, kami mencoba diam dan tersenyum,

berharap kalian akan menyadari secepat air mata kami terjatuh, Sayang,

Tapi kalian tidak, kalian terus bertanya,

"Ada apa dengan kau?"

Iya, kalian bisa bilang kami sukar dimengerti,

memang, karena kahilangan kalian lebih sukar buat kami.

Twitter Vol. II

2010-07-13T03:21:00.000-07:00

Twitter.

Twitter..

Twitter...

What are you going to do when you experienced something unusual? Or you want to share something but you can't post a post on blog as soon as you want? Don't be worried, Twitter is here.

Yep yep, Twitter secara gak langsung jadi micro blog lo dong. Karena ada apa-apa, nge-tweet. Ada itu, nge-tweet. Marah? Tweet! Seneng? Tweet! Semua aja di tweet.

Bahkan sekarang banyak banget account gak penting bertebaran. Gue suka rada heran ketika gue buka timeline-nya. No offense, terlihat banget disitu kadang-kadang gak sesuai dengan username-nya aja gitu. Terlihat lebih ke curhat. Apa emang admin-nya sedang patah hati lalu biar mantan-nya gak liat sampe bikin account no use kayak begitu ya?

Dan please, banyak banget yang nge-reply dengan RT. Do you know what RT stands for? It stands for Re-Tweet. Bukan untuk reply to. Banyak lho yang terganggu dengan cara nge-tweet lo yang seperti itu. No offense, gak semua orang mau tau lo sedang ngobrolin apa. Dan bahkan gue lebih menyarankan untuk DM dibanding mention. Jadi tolong, mbak, mas.. yang punya account di social networking satu ini, lebih baik menaruh tulisan "re: ..." dibanding nge-RT. Karena gue, dan yang lain-nya yang sejalan pikirannya dengan gue, tidak mau tahu menahu apa yang sedang anda bicarakan.

Dan juga buat lo-lo yang suka ada masalah &pingin curhat ke Twitter, tolong, disaring omongan-nya. Yang nge-follow elo bukan orang-orang yang lo kenal lo doang lho. Kalo yang ngefollow lo anak alay dan lo nge-tweet ngejelek-jelekkin orang tua lo, lalu mereka pikir lo sama sekali gak ada sopan santun, apa enak di kira begitu? Yang ngira lo kayak gitu bisa jadi alay, dan bisa jadi orang yang kenal sama lo, lho. Yang kena dampaknya gak cuma lo, tapi orang tua lo juga. Dikira gak bisa ngedidik anaknya sampe ngomong kasar begitu. Belom lagi kalo ada orang bule gak jelas yang nge-follow lo dan penasaran sama apa yang lo tulis di situ, lalu buka Google Translate dan menerjemahkan semua tweet lo itu kedalam bahasa mereka. Dan jujur, kalo lo berpikir panjang, dampaknya gak cuma apa yang gue bilang. Liat aja deh kayak Luna Maya gitu, ketika dia lagi di puncaknya karir, ada berita gak enak. Lalu gimana kalo kayak gitu terjadi sama lo? Ketika lo lagi berusaha mencapai puncak karir lo tiba-tiba ada orang yang sirik sama lo dan tahu kehidupan lo dimasa lalu, dan bilang, "Lo yakin milih dia? Orang-nya gak punya sopan santun? Liat nih, tweet-nya. Kayak gini lo bilang hebat?" Jadi, mbak&mas pengguna Twitter. Tolong, dikontrol.

Gue bukan pengguna Twitter yang baik, sebenernya. Tapi I try to control. Dan I try to warn you. Efek lo ber-social networking itu gak cuma untuk batas tahun ini atau sampe 2 tahun ke depan. Tapi selama lo masih mengaktifkan social network lo, bisa di googling, dan selama itu lah lo akan terus terkena dampaknya. Hey, ini internet. Dan semuanya bisa dicari disini. Dan karena itulah, tolong dijaga sikap &bicaranya. Dan jika lo tidak bisa mengontrol penggunaan-nya, lebih baik, di deactivate. Dan lo terbebas dari masalah.. :)

2010-07-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

If you just realize what I just realized,

Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder

If we missed out on each other now..

Colbie Caillat - Realize

Super Power

2010-07-02T01:33:00.000-07:00

Dad never lies, so does the rumor about China. China is going to be the next America in the next 2 years. Gon' believe me or not? You'd better keep reading 'till you got yourself shock.

Ya, China's going to be the next America. China has reserves about 2 trillion dollars, then America only has 84 billion dollars. You don't trust me? You don't? You'd better believe, cause the country who bought America's bonds was.. China.

Ya, America was begging China to buy its bonds. Who else could help America besides China? There will never ever be another countries, fellas.

Do you know Greece was about to bankrupt then suddenly China came to help and bought its bonds? Do you know? Unconditionally, China helped Europe. Notice yourself, helped EUROPE. Why didn't America buy those stuffs, cause everyone believed that America's the richest country in the whole world, the most superpower country would ever be in the world?! NOTICE YOURSELF, nothing lasts forever.

Do you know China is building Africa instead of giving the government some money to help? And do you know, China is building Africa with all of its workers. Not Africa's workers. Ironic, isn't it? Africa isn't involved, even though it's about their country, which is being built. Ironic. Ironic.. China doesn't trust Africa. Ironic.

Do you know China has a duplicate city of New York? Do you know China has the cheapest workers so they can sell things cheaper than another countries sell?

Well, in Indonesia, you may see. Indofood, siapa yang punya? Chinese. SugarGroup? Chinese. Dan segala tetek bengek orang kaya di Indonesia, almost of them are Chinese. Glodok? Chinese. Bahkan sampe lo pergi ke Plaza Indonesia gak ketemu orang China, gue kasih tepuk tangan.. Indonesia is surrounded by Chinese. Genius people who won those olympiads, mention me, are they Chinese?! And when you are searching for a job, you have to be able speaking Chinese. Cut my ears if you don't believe.

Nowadays, people who talk English are everywhere. But those who talk Chinese? Rare people. And cut my ears (again) if you don't trust me, Chinese languange, would be the second languange which is used in the whole world, besides English. Man, I told you, China is going to be the next America.

So here I am trying to tell you, Indonesia phrase which you have heard thousand times, maybe..

Tuntutlah ilmu sampai ke negeri China.

2010-06-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

Breaking their words like they broke their cars easily, ask sorry easily then girls forgive definitely as easy as they did. But when girls make mistake they forgive like someone hit their cars until it can not be repaired. Boys, have you realized?

Say these, but they did those. Even though the girls weren't involved, trust me, it hurts that bad. As bad as you see your car was hit, Man. But then girls keep quiet, waiting for the boys to know, but boys would rather think, "Why don't you speak? I'm not a mind reader!" Well, we all girls just want to know, whether you care, or not. Whether you are sensitive, or not.

When you hurt girls, the girls keep saying they're ok. They're fine, in fact they're just wanting to keep their relationship. They lied cause they just didn't want you to know how much it hurts. But ya, boys still don't get it.

PS: I'm not being those girls, but ya, I think I will. Someday. Somehow.

Protests Are Allowed, But Not Too Much

2010-06-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I opened twitter as usual, then I found someone keep protesting about her parents. Protested about what her parents did to her. She called her parents "old-fashioned" and etc. Well, I'm used to be that girl who always protests about this, that, these, those and whatever my parents did to me. But then I found the reasons why.

See, your parents did that, those, this, and these, there must be some reasons behind it. Just remember, parents did trust you. But then, you didn't use it very well, and then voila, your parents didn't trust you anymore.

When I was in junior high, I was like a baby. Ya know, kesini gak boleh, kesitu gak boleh. Pulang juga langsung di jemput. Man, I was frustated. Dan lo harus tau, gue gak boleh naik angkot dulu. Believe it or not, Daddy said that. Gue terus-terusan protes, fyi. Kenapa gue gak boleh pulang sendiri sih? Orang tinggal ngesot gitu deket banget men. Gue kan juga pengen banget pulang telat, sekali-kali gitu. Males banget kan kalo pulang langsung pulang. But not so long after protesting, friend of mine got hit by the car. Man, I was like.. see, my father had some reasons why he didn't allow me this, that, these and those. Somehow, ketika gue gak bisa dijemput, Dad called me to go home by myself and told me to be careful, dan as usual, langsung pulang. Apa yang lo lakukan kalo lo dibolehin pulang sendiri, untuk pertama kali. Apa yang terlintas? Langsung pulang, ngikutin kata-kata orang tua atau pulang "agak" telat sedikit? Kalo lo pulang "agak" telat sedikit well you chose the wrong option. WRONG.

Lo baru aja di kasih kepercayaan, lho sama orang tua lo. Baru aja. Kalo lo udah melanggar apa yang di bilang sama orang tua lo pada saat itu, well gimana orang tua lo bisa percaya sama lo untuk selanjutnya? Got this message?

Jadi intinya, bokap lo, nyokap lo ngelarang lo itu bukan tanpa alesan. Lo hidup di satu jalur lurus, dan ketika lo belok, apa nyokap dan bokap lo tetep ngediemin elo untuk tetap belok dan ngeliat anaknya di masa depan cuma jadi kacung di negaranya sendiri? Nggak men, nggak. They just try to keep you on track, so please understand. Mungkin orang tua lo kolot, atau apalah itu. Tapi, ketika lo menemukan alesannya, iris kuping gue kalo lo gak percaya, semuanya ada alesannya.

Tanggung jawab. Itu yang paling penting. My dad always tells me about these thangs and I got my ears red cause I'm hearing these thangs way too much. But see, sekarang gue dipercaya. Gue kemana-mana silahkan, dan bahkan gue bilang ke Anyer tanpa ada pendamping pun bokap gue hayuk aja. Karena apa? Karena bokap lo sudah begitu percaya sama lo, lo bisa jaga kepercayaannya.

Dulu, kalo gue bilang ke Citos dan ternyata gue ke PIM bokap gue marahnya parah banget. Dan I asked, "Itu gak jauh lho, Pa. Kenapa marah-marah terus sih? Udah SMP. Udah gede." Well, anak labil gitu, selalu nge-claim kalo gue-anak-udah-gede. Then my dad answered like, "Bukan masalah tempatnya. Tapi konsisten. Papa gak masalah kamu mau ke PIM atau kemana, tapi ngomong dong. Kalo kamu ada apa-apa terus Papa gak tau kamu dimana, gimana?" And I just like ooh, ya ya. You fussy. But then, I keep on track, like my dad wished before and voila, Daddy bolehin gue kemana pun gue pergi. Tapi satu yang lo inget. Adakala dimana lo berasa gak enak, pergi melulu. Jujur aja, gue selalu ngerasa kayak gitu walaupun gua gak tiap malem minggu jalan. Gue lebih suka dirumah. Lebih suka nonton TV di bawah, atau sekedar di kamar bercanda sama bokap atau nyokap. Gue bahkan suka merasa cuma gue anak SMA satu-satunya yang masih gandeng bokap ke mall-mall sampe dikira istri muda. Jeez.

Inti dari post gue yang ini cuma satu, mereka begitu karena untuk lo. Jadi jangan pernah jelek-jelekin orang tua lo. Mereka mungkin kolot, tapi lo terlalu labil untuk dunia yang kejam. Terlalu labil. Sangat labil bahkan. Jadi, jangan pernah lo bilang, "Gue gak mau dilahirin sama lo, jgn pd lo." Lo pikir kalo ibu lo tau anaknya bakal kayak gitu, dia mau ngelahirin lo? Salah. Dia udah bela-belain perjuangin nyawa tapi kalo tau anaknya kayak lo, mungkin lo udah di gugurin kali.

So, be proud kalo orang tua lo masih ngelarang lo. Bukan karena gak sayang, tapi karena mereka terlalu sayang sama lo..

Forever Is A Lie

2010-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

As a girl, maybe you might think girl will fall to her boy like a little girl always falls for candies. You might think like that, but I think I'll prove you wrong.

As a girl, I know it's hard to defeat boy's power. Notice me, I cried for boys out there, but then I got nothing to deserve why do I have to cry so I stop; searching another and have fun. Then it went perfect till everything's over and cried all over again. But still, I got nothing to deserve till I found the reason, "I'm too good, why do I have to cry over those people who don't care at all?"

Maybe they were caring you as much as you do, but there, forever means "As long as I can love you; you may read it as long as I can't find another." Got the point, forever is just a bullshit. BIG BULLSHIT.

I used to believe that magic words called forever cause I was feeling like I was the only one till I found out I wasn't. Then, thanks for opening my eyes that forever wouldn't be exist.

Here I am telling you this shit, I might be someone else's with full of bullshit called relationship, but still, I don't believe in forever. Even though the boy who's with me always tell me forever is exist. Cause once you believe, you'll be always in sorrow.

Be strong girls, hidup lo gak cuma tentang cowok melulu. Well, I just try to tell you, go find intermezzo. Cause it'll help too much if you're bored, or something happened called break up.

Girls, prove boys that we could be heartbreakers. I am a heartbreaker, how about you?

2010-06-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

A bit lame if I blog about this, but whatever you may say, I just miss 'em like hell.

Terkadang gua suka iri sama temen-temen SMA yang kumpul sama temen-temen SMP nya segampang beli kacang. No offense, tp sumpah, ketemu sama CFX '09 itu susahnya kayak dimensi 3.
But when I tell this thang to my Dad, bokap gue cuma bilang, "Wajar lah temen-temen SMP-mu itu sekolah bukan di sekolah ecek-ecek." You may see, temen sekumpulan gue itu di 8, 28 & 38 :D

And suddenly Didit's phrase just popped out right after my Dad talk bout it.

Kita jangan sering-sering ketemu, lima tahun lagi ketemu. Kita liat, lo jadi apa semua.

Dan here we go again, tryin' to reach our dreams by ourselves with different ways.

I got the point somehow and I miss being with you guys.
You guys still the best I've had, dengan semangat belajar yang luar biasa!

2010-06-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

It's another five, and this is the day where we meet our 7 months.
Baby I don't believe I tell you this,
We've been in a relationship for 7 months.
And Man, I don't believe I through these days with you for 7 months.
Whatever,
Happy anniversary 7 months and always keep it up.
Sooo... 7Up!

2010-06-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Don't know what part should I tell you first about these thangs, but I'm tryna to tell ya.

Having a relationship, notice me -long term relationship- I mean, sometimes get me -or you- bored. Don't try to deny, but yes I do. I am bored with those love stuffs, but here I am, try to fight this feeling with all my heart.
One thing to remember when I have a thought to end it all, this relationship I built, isn't so easy. I have through those bad moments with worse problems so why I can't just stand still to through this feeling? Look at the past, and look what I've through. Man, do you really want to give things up like these? Do you think, just because you are bored so you let the things go, will worthy enough? Do you REALLY want to end these thangs up? Are you sure you WON'T cry later just because you regret what you did?

Fyi, I'm not a faithful girl. Whatever you may read it; I don't do cheat. I did, but not now. And I won't do it again. But, I get bored easily. Yeah, that's what I mean. I get bored easily, and I easily say "I want these things end up." Ask my boyfriend if you don't trust me, so I'm so thankful for having a mature boy, I am. So. Thankful. To. Have you.

So when I got that thought, what I think is just what I wrote above. I built this isn't easy, so why I have to give it up? My boyfriend isn't giving up when I put him in pain, so why I have to give up? I just got this feeling in a blink, and it will go in a blink, SO WHY I HAVE TO GIVE IT UP?

Here I am, telling you this. If I get bored with ya, I don't mean I don't love you. I always think of you even though I'm bored with ya, whatever you want to believe it or not, it's up to you. But yes, I am telling you the truth. I told ya many times when I am bored with you but still, we work out fine till now. Notice me, I told you we will always be fine, and yes we will.
So got my message and relax. When I'm bored I have a thought like that so don't you ever think I would end this up easily and when I tell you I want to end it up, I mean, it's just a joke, Honey.

Relax, we'll always make it up.
I love you.

True Love Story

2010-05-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

Sebenarnya ini bukan tentang kematianmu, bukan itu.
Karena, aku tahu bahwa semua yang ada pasti menjadi tiada pada akhirnya,
dan kematian adalah sesuatu yang pasti,
dan kali ini adalah giliranmu untuk pergi, aku sangat tahu itu.
Tapi yang membuatku tersentak sedemikian hebat,
adalah kenyataan bahwa kematian benar-benar dapat memutuskan kebahagiaan dalam diri seseorang, sekejap saja, lalu rasanya mampu membuatku menjadi nelangsa setengah mati, hatiku seperti tak di tempatnya, dan tubuhku serasa kosong melompong, hilang isi.
Kau tahu sayang, rasanya seperti angin yang tiba-tiba hilang berganti kemarau gersang.
Pada airmata yang jatuh kali ini, aku selipkan salam perpisahan panjang,
pada kesetiaan yang telah kau ukir, pada kenangan pahit manis selama kau ada,
aku bukan hendak mengeluh, tapi rasanya terlalu sebentar kau disini.
Mereka mengira aku lah kekasih yang baik bagimu sayang,
tanpa mereka sadari, bahwa kaulah yang menjadikan aku kekasih yang baik.
mana mungkin aku setia padahal memang kecenderunganku adalah mendua, tapi kau ajarkan aku kesetiaan, sehingga aku setia, kau ajarkan aku arti cinta, sehingga aku mampu mencintaimu seperti ini.
Selamat jalan,
Kau dari-Nya, dan kembali pada-Nya,
kau dulu tiada untukku, dan sekarang kembali tiada.
selamat jalan sayang,
cahaya mataku, penyejuk jiwaku,
selamat jalan,
calon bidadari surgaku…

BJ. Habibie.

And this is what I called "true love story" when a boy lost his love, and he still wants her to be his next wife, in the next love. I love you both, Pak BJ. Habibie & Ibu Ainun Habibie. May your love always real, even Ibu is not around. Deepest condolance...
PS: Repost from Kak Putri's blog.

Twitter

2010-05-25T04:19:00.000-07:00

I supposed to write this in English, but I think this could be more deeper if I write in Bahasa.
Well, gue bukan seorang expert untuk dunia Twitter. Tapi gue suka 'enek' ngeliat tweet-tweet anak AGJ jaman sekarang yg kayaknya makin 'gaul' aja. Dan tweet-tweet yang kerjaannya ngeluh melulu. Apalagi formspring.me.

Bukannya gue ngelarang untuk ngetweet macem "Aduh pengen kurus!" dan semacamnya. Bukannya gue kurus, tp bisa nggak ngetweet yang lebih ada sensenya. Bukannya semua tweet gue ada sensenya, tp bisa nggak ngeliat kebawah bahwa masih ada yg lebih gendut. MASIH BANYAK yg lebih gendut daripada lo. Bukannya gue merasa tersindir atau gimana, tp bisa nggak lo menghargai perasaan banyak orang? Kalo gue ngerasa pantat gue kurang oke, apa pantes gue ngetweet macam, "Plis beliin gue breast up biar pantat gue lebih oke." Dan dimana etika lo, kalo lo ngetweet "Aduh pengen kurus!"? Mungkin sepele, tp menurut gue gak etis aja. Kurus bukanlah suatu big deal yang harus dipublikasikan. Just enjoy your body, menurut gue. Badan lo udah yg paling proporsional sama seluruh bagian tubuh lo kok. Dan terlebih lagi, apa lo tau banyak yg enek ngeliat tweet lo itu? Bahkan ada yg lebih lucu lagi malah. Banyak yg ngetweet "Avatar gue aneh -_-." Please, logika lo dimana. Kalo lo tau itu aneh, KENAPA LO UPLOAD?! Minta di puji biar cantik? Gak gitu caranya. Gak gitu. Gue paling enek liat ini.

Ada lagi yang ngetweet sok-sok paling oke seluruh jagat raya. Macam, "Guna lo apa?" HELLO. Lo pikir lo udah berguna untuk orang-orang disekitar lo? Dan yang ngetweet ini bener-bener gak tau diri. Udah item, brengsek, sok keren, tapi brainless. Gak lucu aja gitu dia ngetweet begini sedangkan dia sendiri masih useless. Like having no mirrors at home. Should I buy you one?

Yang lebih lucu bahkan ada yg bilang, "Kalo gak suka, unfollow aja." But then when someone unfollowed, "Makasih ya @..." aduh terus maksud tweet lo yang sebelumnya apa? Shit, you should be damaged.

FORMSPRING. Ya, formspring. Itu salah satu masalah terbesar yang dihadapi para Twitter users. Kadang-kadang banyak banget yang ngepost formspring-nya yang jelas-jelas pertanyaannya gak mutu ke Twitter. Do people should know what you're talking about on formspring? You'd better have a formspring account, bitch. This is Twitter, not even a formspring wannabe.

Jadi, tolong di kontrol lah cara ngetweet di Twitter. Lebih sopan, dan lebih etis. Makan bangku sekolah kan? Jadi, tau dong cara berbicara dengan bahasa Indonesia dengan baik dan benar.

2010-05-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better

Keeps Gettin' Better - Christina Aguilera

If you think girls are weak, yes you got it wrong, dude.
Girls are DEFINITELY GOOD at pretending, hiding, and forgiving.

Do you know that girl is always pretending that she's ok by telling you "I'm fine" instead of saying "I'm hurt to know that, don't you know?" It's just because she's just wanting be seen she's ok, she's fine. She's SO FINE WITH ALL THAT HURTING STUFF. Cause she just doesn't want to be left.

Do you know that girl is always hiding her tears from you, instead of crying in front of you because she's just wanting to be seen that she's STRONG in fact she's NOT? After all, she's just wanting to be seen she's ok, she's fine. She's SO FINE WITH ALL THAT HURTING STUFF.

Do you know that girl is always forgiving eventhough you hurt her so bad so she cried all night. All day, and every single second she has. When you asked her for an apologize, she said yes without any conclutions why she HAD to forgive you. Without any reasons. But still, she forgives you. And you got it like, "Oh, she's fine. She's really fine." Yea, She's SO FINE WITH ALL THAT HURTING STUFF, BABE.

And after all she had been through, you still leave her with diamond tears.
Boys, why you are all so cruel?
Have you counted on her tears?

And yes, all of her tears are DEFINITELY for you.
And if superheros are all men, the writer should get it wrong.

SUPERHEROS ARE DEFINITELY WOMEN. Cause there's no superhero without a MOM.
And boys, please. Be more sensitive, darling.

2010-05-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

Coba liat matanya dan beri saya suatu opini,

Apakah matanya ada tanda kasih sayang? Kalau Anda lihat ada, berarti Anda mengerti, bagaimana wanita melihat orang yang dikasihinya.

2010-05-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

Tau tidak, kalo wanita lebih sering jealous tetapi tidak terucap.
Tau tidak, kalo wanita lebih sering sakit hati tetapi pria-nya tidak mengetahui.
Tau tidak, kalo wanita lebih sering memendam perasaannya karena takut mengganggu pria-nya.
Tau tidak, kalo wanita lebih sering memaafkan daripada membuang?
Tau tidak, kalo wanita lebih sering tetap percaya kepada pria-nya padahal ia tahu ia sudah susah untuk percaya?

Dan tau tidak, mau wanita disakitin kayak apa, wanita akan tetap nerima. Bahkan lebih parah, akan memaafkan semudah pria menyakiti hatinya. Dan pria, bisakah kalian bersikap sedikit lebih.. uhm sentimental.

2010-04-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

I miss my Junior High School life quite terribly.

2010-04-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

Halo, saya Indira Setyowati dengan masalah yang sangat amat berat pada umur ke 16 dan akan beralih jadi 17 pada tahun ini. Mungkin, gak cuma saya aja yang punya masalah ini, tapi let's see what's my main problem;

BERAT BADAN.

Yak, mungkin bagi kaum wanita kayak saya dengan tinggi pas-pasan dan suka dikatain boncel sama ayah saya sendiri dan berat saya yang mungkin agak WOW yaitu.. 55 kg, saya cukup stress ngeliat orang berkaki langsing &badannya ok punya macem.. Alexa Chung (yaeyalah.. semua org jg ngiri berat kale). Lalu saya iseng-iseng buat tanya ke Om Google gimana caranya nurunin berat badan. Kali aja abis ngikutin tips ini berat badan saya langsung jadi 45. Saya bisa langsung joget-joget di tengah lapangan kali ya. Atau mungkin sok jadi topeng monyet? Ok jayus..
Nah saya mau berbagi tips-tipsnya. Semoga bermanfaat. Happy reading!

Pertama-tama kenali tubuh Anda sendiri.
Makan dengan teratur dengan porsi yang cukup. Jadi intinnya, salah BESAR kalo Anda diet malah gak makan seharian.
Banyak mengkonsumsi buah &sayur.
Ini sebenernya lebih penting; JANGAN LUPAKAN SARAPAN. Saya suka bingung sama org yg diet dan lupa akan sarapan. Sarapan itu sesuatu yg krusial, fyi. Saya bisa pingsan kalo gak sarapan sekali.
Ini gak kalah penting; BANYAK MINUM AIR PUTIH. Percaya atau tidak, air putih ternyata obat yang tidak bisa dikalahkan oleh obat apapun. Termasuk dalam menguruskan badan.
Olahraga. Gak mau kan udah turun berat badan tp bentuknya jadi gelambir-gelambir kayak ibu-ibu abis melahirkan?
Jangan melakukan tindakan ekstrim. Tindakan ekstrim maksudnya seperti sama sekali tak makan demi kurus dalam waktu cepat. Yang terbaik adalah makan dalam porsi sedikit, yang mencakup tiga nutrisi yang dibutuhkan tubuh dan dua camilan tiap hari untuk metabolisme yang lebih efisien. (JELAS?)
Gosok gigi segera; well sounds funny.
Jangan sekali-kali menghubungkan perasaan dengan makanan.

Jadi teman-teman buat yg dietnya ekstrim, jangan deh kayak gitu. Karna sekalinya lo sukses, lo bakal balik lagi ke berat badan lo semula. Dan it will ruin your body's system.. atau bisa jadi kayak gini;

Iiiii serem deh ich..!!!!

2010-04-26T03:05:00.000-07:00

Mungkin photo ini bakalan membawa dampak buruk buat nama baik gua, tapi karna ini (sangat) penting mengingat orang di foto ini bakalan bikin Anda sekalian horny, jadi.. setelah saya pikirkan selama 28 jam, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk..
Mengupload foto maksiat ini. Happy reading!

Aaah bulenya gak tahan bokk..

2010-04-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

Kak Arimbi - Under The Cherry Tree

Gimana? Enak gak lagunya? Tapi rada bosen, karna genre gua begini mulu kalo main lagu. Ada ide lain? Jazz gitu maunya, komen aja atau kasih tau di cbox. Maaci.

2010-04-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

(John Mayer - No Such Thing)

Bahkan John Mayer sudah duluan sadar kalo SMA bukan tempat untuk mencari ketenaran &bersenang-senang seperti kata orang jaman sekarang, "Selagi masih muda, ayo seneng-seneng!" Tapi ayo sadar, SMA adalah pijakan awal untuk meraih cita-cita Anda. Malu dong, yg sudah di Hollywood aja ngmg gitu, masa Anda yg masih di Indonesia sudah mau berlagak seperti di Hollywood?

2010-04-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

I miss this guy like hell. BRING ME BACK TO 98, PLEASE.

2010-04-10T05:05:00.000-07:00

Ketika saya nangis karena hal ini terjadi, saya langsung berpikir buat nge-blog ttg ini.
Malam ini, iya malam ini.
Baru aja 10 menit yg lalu.
Saya diajak makan malam keluar. Tp gak mau ikut soalnya makanan Korea. Dan saya anti.

Ayah kebanggaan saya sepanjang masa, Bambang Setyobudi, berusaha maksa saya buat ikut.
Katanya, "Gak seru gak ada kamu."
Tetep aja saya nolak.
Katanya lagi, "We're the family. Harus jalan berempat dong."
Gombal.
Tapi tetep aja saya nolak.

Terus saya main piano, kesukaan dia.
The Riddle. Lagunya Five for Fighting.
Dia ngeliatin saya main.
Diem lama..

Terus, dia peluk saya.
Nyium jidat saya.
Dan bilang, "Papa selalu sayang kamu, Nak."
Terus dia pergi, nyalain mobil.

Saya ngelanjutin main piano sambil mati-matian nahan nangis.
Lari kekamar terus nangis kejer.

Satu hal.
Ayah saya, selalu bangga sama saya.
Walaupun saya buat salah.

Intinya.
Saya gak boleh bikin dia kecewa.
Karena saya, kebanggaannya.

Dad, I'm on my way to love you too much.

2010-04-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

Baca blog-nya Nabila tentang Hachiko rada sedih juga.
Walau saya belom nonton sebenernya.

Tapi saya setuju abis-abisan sama Nabila.
Anjing aja bisa punya rasa sayang & setia,
masa manusia nggak bisa?

Jadi, sadar aja.
Kalo anda gak bisa sayang & setia,
kodrat anda gak jauh lebih tinggi dari seekor anjing.

2010-03-24T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hi, girls. I'm just missing you all too much...

2010-03-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

I won't say anything except this;
I miss you, 98'09!

No such thing

2010-03-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the real world, she said to me
Condescendingly, take a seat. Take your life
Plot it out, in black and white
Well, I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens, I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding, up my sleeve

They love to tell you, stay inside the lines
That something's better, on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above.

So the good boys and girls take the so called
Faded white hats, grabbing credits, maybe transfers
They real all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you, stay inside the lines
But something's better, on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I am invisible, I am invisible, I am invisible
As long as I am alive

I just can't wait 'til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

2010-03-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Yes I do trust my father that much.
Cause I know,
My dad would never let his little girl fall.
My dad would never let himself give up fighting for me.
My dad would kiss me every night when I fell asleep and get a blanket for me.
My dad would always listen to me even he knows, what I said won't be working. But he's still listening.
My dad would always hug me when I'm scared.
My dad always hold my hands when I'm walking with him like I'm the 5-year-old girl.
My dad still calls me "Sayang" and I'm feeling like his girlfriend for sure :')
My dad likes joking very much and I will laugh so hard when I'm hearing this.
My dad sometimes wouldn't permit me to wear some short skirts &shorts. Cause he said, "Kamu udah cantik, ngapain pake gituan lagi? Kurang pede?"
My dad always try to compliment me even I know I did it so bad. What's the deal? He always supports me.
And many other I couldn't tell one by one.

So dad, I trust you cause I know,
You trust me that much too.

2010-03-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

You gotta believe in me.
Believe me like a fairy tale.
And know I won't, I won't let you down.

2010-03-13T02:29:00.000-08:00

You're who I'm thinking of
And boy you ain't my runner up
And no matter what you're always number one
The one I can't live without
That's you, that's you

Random thoughts. Sorry Justin Bieber for changing your song's lyrics. I'm totally in love with a boy. Not a girl.
Happy four months anniversary, huney! <3